My stupid dumb fucking cancer has been so relentless and aggressive that every single time I think I may be in a safer zone, it comes and just gut punches. Monday I will go in for a bone marrow biopsy to see if the immunotherapy is working. After that there is a very “loose” game plan. Which doesn’t help me really explain anything. There are possible paths that they are considering for example:
- one more round of innotuzomab (one treatment a week for 3 weeks total, then pull another bone marrow biopsy.)
- Do another lumbar puncture with a round of intrathecal chemo. Ugh the absolute fucking worst. Please no.
- They wait for these results of the biopsy since they have already taken me off my autoimmune suppressants and see if my brother’s cells take over and do their job.
Not really knowing how they are going to proceed is scary but this really has been the last year. Let’s just wait and see. But I am truly exhausted mentally, physically and just reaching these levels that I have never been before. The amount of “what if” scenarios are exhausting. I feel like I am just moving through these motions with no real. Why is my cancer so fucking aggressive. I mean seriously? I haven’t really slept in a month and it’s starting to wear on me. I try to stay/be positive all the time. I keep moving and doing the right things but at what point do you just go, “oh my god, enough already, I quit this job”. I think I just need sleep. I am in desperate need of sleep. I am in desperate need of a vacation from this dumb stupid body. Anyone want to trade?
Casey I am praying so hard for you today that you will get good news and finally be able to get that restful, peaceful sleep you crave. I so wanted to call you yesterday, but I figured you would want to spend the day with Anthony and your family. I feel for you so much and I am sure it is exhausting having these setbacks, but again, you have to believe that you can beat this stupid disease once and for all. There is a reason God brought Anthony and Mama Sue into your life 7 years ago, and He will not take you away from them, I just know it. So even though it’s tiring and hard, please keep fighting, because I love you, as do Anthony and Mama Sue and your dad and brother and so many others. Again, I’m praying for you today and every day and I’m sending you love and hugs too. Praying for good news today!! Go Casey Go!!