“This is the year of change”, a yoga teacher told me. I don’t know if that’s true or where she got that from but it’s 100% true. Things are changing. Shifting. I can feel it. I know it’s happening. I feel it inside of me. Yes, I still have a ton of shit to work through but I feel it changing inside of me finally. There is a tremendous amount of loss and heartbreak. I think I am starting to come out of the darkness. I am starting to let go of my baggage that I have so diligently been carrying on my back for too many years. I should have shed it a long time ago but I guess I still had it for a reason. Then again repeating to myself over a thousand times in the last 25 days ” I am worthy of self love and the love of others”, will start to create that change as well. Meditation has brought a new light to my world. A way of forced focus to get through emotions, thoughts, situations and events that I would never think about otherwise. I did put in a large amount of work to get to this point.
I am starting to feel different. I don’t know what it is exactly and I can’t say where I am going, what this means or how really different it makes me. I just know that something from the bottom up is different. I feel like I am finally offloading the giant emotional backpack I’ve been carrying. The fog is starting to clear. Clarity in vision is happening. Again I don’t exactly know what it means but I feel a change is happening. Coming from within. The path hasn’t been easy, mostly full of steep hills, winding roads and other obstacles. I know I haven’t found the end of a clearer pasture, either. But I think I am to a reflection point where I can finally look back and see just how far I’ve come. Enough to see a light of clearing just ahead of me. Renewed hope for something more and new just out of reach.
I know it really doesn’t make sense. I know it’s very obscure what I am talking about. Not actual events or about what is going on day to day in my life but I really don’t feel like sharing it yet. My journey continues…