One giant fuck. Yup. Found out last week that my leukemia is back. They initially found some in my peripheral blood and then called me in for a bone marrow biopsy, which confirmed the cancer is fucking back. So let’s get to it-What does this mean? Well we are in a whole lotta uncharted territory so I am not quite sure long term but for the near future, three weeks to be exact this is what will happen.
Three treatments once a week of inotuzomab immunotherapy. This is the same immunotherapy that allowed me into remission before my stem cell transplant. After three weeks the doctors will pull another bone marrow biopsy to see where we stand. They may do another smaller infusion of my brother’s stem cells if necessary just to give them a bit of a “boost”. Right now all my counts are great. My white blood cell count did shoot up pretty high after they took me off my autoimmune therapy. They are giving me plenty of IV fluids, which is actually what I am currently doing in my living room as I type this. Yup, you know you are way ahead of the game when you have your own IV pole, tubing and supplies to give yourself a bolus of fluids. Docs changed my meds and that is about it for now.
I do and don’t know what is next if this doesn’t work. Right now I am just living with these next weeks ahead of me. It was one big dick punch to the face when I found this out last week. Especially since I wasn’t feeling bad or sick. The docs say they believe they got lucky and caught it extremely early. I guess that’s a positive. I am angry, sad and a little fucked up right now. I don’t really know what do to. I think my one friend said it best “I am just living to die”. That’s kind of how it all feels because if this shit goes awry, which it could it’s really just an extension of life.
At least for the time being this period of treatment is extremely mild compared to what I have gone through with other chemo treatments so I can do most of the things that I want within reason. Stupid dumb dick cancer always holding me back. Fuck off already!
Casey, my heart is aching for you right now!! 🙁 yes, truly F cancer with a Ginormous F. You do not deserve this!! And you were doing so well too!! As for that other comment, I disagree. I believe this is a test from God, though I have no idea why, because I truly believe you are a good person and I don’t understand why God would feel he has to test you this way, but then again, I’ll never understand why cancer happens in general.
I’m going to keep my prayers going for you and I’m going to add you to our prayer list at synagogue, because the more people that pray for you, the better. Prayer does work, Albert is proof of that.
I love you girl. You were my first best friend and our years at Fairview together bring me such beautiful memories and make me smile. So pull up the Beach Boys I get around, followed by I think we’re alone now and pretty woman and dance it out, even if you do it sitting down. And then keep kicking cancer’s butt, which you will again and you and Anthony will go on to celebrate another 43 amazing years of marriage together (at least). And remember, you have to fight, because you have to meet Al still, you don’t have a choice.
Sending you all the love, hugs and prayers a person can send. <3 <3 <3