I have decided to go back to work on a part time basis starting November 11th.  It may seem soon for some but I will be done with course four of chemo.  There will be a two week break before my bone marrow biopsy.  I don’t want to sit around the house and wait and just think about cancer and my upcoming biopsy.  I need something else to focus on.  As long as my body will let me, I will work.  I want to work.  I have missed it so much.

Anyways on a more positive note, today is my 4 year Anniversary being married to my husband A.  I can’t believe it, it has gone by so fast.  I feel like we just got married.  Dinner tonight at Blackbird (where we got married) to celebrate but no presents.   My request.  I have been so busy with chemo and not feeling great that I didn’t have a chance to really get A anything.  Not even a card.  Ohh well so much has happened this year, I think it’s the least of my problems.

Gilda Radner said it best, “Having cancer gave me membership in an elite club I’d rather not belong to.”

Her words could not be more accurate.  I am a part of something I really don’t ever want to be apart of.  I feel like every young adult with cancer feels this way.  It’s something that our peers cannot really relate to.  It’s hard to be the youngest person on the 21st floor(cancer floor at Northwestern Hospital), always, to get chemo or be at a doctor appointment.  Old people just staring at you, you can feel their eyes feeling sorry for you.  Nurses feeling sorry for you, because you don’t really or shouldn’t be there.  I wish I weren’t there.  I wish that most of this year wasn’t spent in a hospital.  75 total inpatient days. Over 160 different doctor appointments.  I haven’t even counted the chemo infusions.  You can take this elite club and shove it.  I want no part of this shit anymore.

Well yesterday’s doctor appointment and infusion became a lot longer and more intense than anticipated.  My platelets fell to 10, white blood cell count to 0.4, and hemoglobins to 8.4.  They fell fast and hard.  So I already had to get platelets, so my new count as of last night was 52.  Now today lumbar punch with IT chemo and afterward will be getting a bag of blood.  YAY.  I haven’t had to get transfusions since May.  Lots of just waiting and sitting for this girl today.  Hopefully they will rebound but I will be getting labs this morning and on Thursday to double check.  Fun stuff right at the end.