I would like to finally talk about what’s really going on.  I don’t want to scare people, I just want to bring some awareness that may not be so visible in everyday, especially when I really don’t bring it up here.

I am currently on an experimental NON FDA approved immunotherapy.  There are not many options if this does not work.  I could still participate in a clinical trial at University of Chicago next, which of course I would if I get on the trial.  After that, there are no other options that we are aware of at this point.  If I can’t get to a stem cell transplant there isn’t anything else that we know of.  Within the next six-ish months weather or not I will be living or dying.  I don’t think (or I could be very wrong and you all get it) there are a lot of people that are understanding or even know that, that’s it.  I know it sounds bleak but awareness is all I am trying to bring about.  It’s a part of my process as well to just make sure people aren’t caught off guard if things go awry sooner rather than later.

I am not saying I dying tomorrow by any stretch of the imagination.  To me there is still a lot of time but yet not a lot at the same time.  I feel like I got fucked or the short of the of stick, sure.  It totally fucking sucks, it’s not fair at all.  But cancer doesn’t really play fair or give a fuck.    This is just something I need to put out there so everyone, including myself, understands what can happen.  A possibility that’s all.  I am very hopeful that this treatment will work.  I feel it in my gut, don’t ask, I really don’t have any other evidence but that feeling, but I do.

Maybe you all are a step ahead of me and know and aware of all this shit but I need for me to just make sure it’s said out loud.  That’s all.  So on that note:

I am so very appropriate?