With all that it going on it is hard to think about the future and yet at the same time be consumed by thoughts of it.  Basic-what am I going to do when I am “healthy” to the Wild-What do I want out of life now.  All these things that seem to be on a virtual hold.  How do I think about the future when I have to work on the present.  Getting healthy, being healthy.  It’s almost overwhelming at times.  How can I move forward, when I am so stuck in the present?  I need to be in the present but how could I not think about all the places I want to visit or am going to visit or what life means after cancer?  Does this really change me?  What do I even believe in anymore?  Big and little questions are circling me like sharks all the time.  Sometimes it’s just to much but at other times it’s welcoming to think about more than just this disease.

The sad or maybe not so sad part is that I NEED to be in the present and get myself better so I can think about all the future things.  I know this but it’s like dreaming.  It all starts with the statement “one day I will…”.  I know it’s just temporary and all this could change literally in a few months but it’s something that is on my mind.