Time out.  Treatment has stopped this week until my neutrophil level goes up.  I am 100, I need to be at 700.  Normal people have over 5,000.  Treatment will continue next week.  So this will be a very slow week of recovery.

This is the first time since I have been diagnosed that I have been left alone over night and god does it feel good.  I felt like I was in a fishbowl, everyone staring.  Do we feed the fish now or later?  So over that shit.  I need to know I can do things on my own.  Not that I have done anything.  Literally.  My dad took me to my infusion appointment today and I haven’t left the house since.  I guess it’s just more the point of the fact that anything else.

I need to know that I can do things on my own without a baby sitter.  I know it’s more for everyone else’s peace of mind than for me.  So I allowed it until I couldn’t take it anymore.  Independence here I come again.  (well maybe)