Chemo Brain is Real, more evidence

I never worry about the long term side effects of all the chemo I am getting right now, hell I never even thought about it until I read this article.  I was more concerned with my current state of staying alive than anything else.  Now I know it is a bit much, but “chemo brain” is a real thing.  I do experience this side effect and it sucks.  As for the rest of the longer term side effects I am not sure what will happen.  Do the immediate benefits of living (FUCK YES) out weigh the long term side effects?  I think so, at least in my case.  My body didn’t really give me much time or a choice.  Even if I did have more time, I don’t think it would have really changed any of the choices that were made, except for possibly preserving my fertility.  But we are past that bridge and we can’t go back so there is really no use in even thinking about it.  I am not sure what will happen to my body physically in the long run but I am just glad I am here in the now and enjoying every moment I can.  Shit, I would say some of the side effects currently are worse than the possible side effects of the future.  But I guess we will cross that bridge when we get there.  Once again, FUCK YOU CANCER!

My super fantastic lady day was just about one of the best days that I have had in a long time.  We went to Blackbird, which is just incredibly good.  After he bought me a card and beautiful purse to celebrate my finishing of course two.

Beautiful present

Sorry I can’t the dumb picture to stay in the edited version that I want it to be, upright.  Anyways, yes this is my new purse that I have been lusting over for over a month.  I mean I literally would look at it everyday online but just couldn’t justify buying it for myself.  My husband is the best.  I didn’t even ask him to buy it for me either.  He is just amazing.  I don’t know what I would do without.

So today’s agenda is doctor’s appointment and then my three hour MRI.  Ugh, sitting still that long sucks and the last time I had to have this done was inpatient and my wonderful nurse Annie gave me morphine before going down so I slept through most of it.  So, hopefully the two Loransapam that I am going to take with have a similar effect.  Or at least get me through the test.

My amazing husband came up with doing “super fantastic lady days”.  They basically entail an amazing lunch or doing an activity of my choosing after doctor’s appointments. I look forward to these days since going out to dinner these days is few and far between.  First off I can’t stay up that late and I am not 100% comfortable with it yet.  Lunches seem a lot less pressure and less people.  When you have a compromised immune system the less people thing matters a lot.

So whenever I can’t find the right words or say something that doesn’t make sense, I jokingly say it’s “chemo brain”.  It happens in a LOT of people who go through chemotherapy.  The brain slows and you feel slower.  Well now they are actually starting to research this “chemo brain” and the effects that chemo has on the brain.  Here is the article I found.

Chemo Brain is a real thing

My body may not be ready for course three but mentally I am so ready to get this third chemo party started.  I will say that it will be nice to not have chemicals racing through my body for a week.  I still just want to keep going. Yesterday was 7 long hours at the hospital but got some very good news that my left eye is basically completely healed from the lesions that this disease left me with.  My right eye still has a ways to go.

Gentle Yoga today which is great since it’s raining outside and can’t walk in the rain.  Yes I will melt.  Running in the rain is great.  Walking in the rain sucks.  Just to clarify.

Today will officially end course two of treatment.  The last infusion for this course.  I am so excited to be moving on to course three.  I am not looking forward to the LP with IT chemo that comes with it every week but one small sacrifice to keep on moving.  Today is still going to be a long day.  Labs, chemo infusion, transfusion of blood and platelets, and eye doctor appointment.  Hopefully everything will go smoothly.

I get one week off of chemo and start course three on June 17, depending on how my levels rebound.  Which hopefully they will cooperate.

I have finally starting last week been able to concentrate long enough to read.  Up to this point I couldn’t read a page of a book without re-reading it several times, so I hadn’t really even picked up a book.  That has seemed to change as I can concentrate a little more.  I have been a reading machine since then.  I have gone through a lot of books and am open to more suggestions on what to read next.

I went into this weekend with low levels across the board.  My hemoglobins were only at 8.8, platelets were at 47, and my white blood count was I think at 1.3, I am also nutrapenic again at .07.  I feel weak and tired.  I am already scheduled for more blood and platelets on Tuesday when I go in for infusion chemo.  Physically I am not sure if I can walk today, since making breakfast was a bit of a struggle this morning.  Plus my body aches a lot today, thank you tramodol for making it all better.

Hopefully I can get through today and Monday without any issues.